11 Nov When a Woman is “Bossy” but a Man is “Assertive”: A Persistent Double Standard

I recently shared a personal story from earlier in my career on my LinkedIn, and it resonated far more than I anticipated — it went viral! The story is one many women will likely find familiar. Here it is:

I had a female boss tell me that I was bossy, selfish, and impolite. My response? “You mean I’m assertive, confident, and direct? …Yeah—it’s true.” 

I also wanted to add, “And what’s your point?” but held back, lest I be called impolite. 

It sparked a larger conversation about how traits typically labeled as “masculine”—like assertiveness and directness—are often undervalued in women, while those same traits are celebrated in male leaders. 

It comes as no surprise, then, that men fill more leadership roles when these so-called “masculine” traits are placed at a higher value in the workplace.

When we perpetuate these unconscious biases, we get stats like this:

– Women make up almost 60% of the workforce, but only one-third of the 27 million firms in the US are led by women.

– Less than 6% of leaders at the top 3,000 companies in the US are women.

We all want the same thing in the workplace, right? The best person for the job. Equal consideration on a level playing field. But how can we achieve that if we’re still categorizing leadership traits by gender?

It’s 2024. It’s beyond time we shift the way we subconsciously gender leadership characteristics. Here are some ideas:

1. Challenge Stereotypes in Hiring

When evaluating candidates, do a self-check on the language being used to describe them. Are assertive women being labeled as “bossy,” while assertive men are “natural leaders”? Ensure that you’re assessing candidates based on their actual competencies and skills, not stereotypes.

2. Cultivate a Culture That Values Diversity

Workplaces that actively seek diversity of all types  in their leadership are consistently proven to be more innovative and profitable. In fact, when companies have gender-diverse teams, they are 21% more likely to outperform competitors.  Make a conscious effort to value a wider range of leadership styles, which not only increases opportunities for women but also strengthens the company as a whole. 

3. Encourage Authentic Leadership

Create a culture where leaders can embrace their strengths, regardless of whether those traits are typically seen as “masculine” or “feminine.” A good leader isn’t just one thing — they are dynamic, adaptive, and inclusive of diverse viewpoints. Gendered stigmas and character judgements can hold a leader back from being effective, and more importantly prevent us from putting the best leader in the role.

3. Invest in Leadership Development Programs

Companies that invest heavily in leadership development tend to see better financial results.  Leadership programs positively shape company culture and create a working environment that encourages employees to perform at their best. This helps foster a more dynamic leadership pipeline and provide support and opportunities to those who might have the odds stacked against them.

5. Seek and Act on Feedback

Proactively soliciting confidential and unattributed feedback within your organization can unveil hidden biases and double standards that may be perpetuating the “bossy woman” versus “strong male leader” stereotype. Often these perceptions operate at a subconscious level, making them difficult to identify without deliberate effort. 

If we continue to box in leadership characteristics as “masculine” or “feminine,” we limit the potential of the talent pool we have. When we stop associating leadership with a particular gender and start looking at individual merit and capability, we’ll find the best person for the job more often. And the reward? A stronger, more innovative organization.

Let’s keep the conversation going and commit to rethinking the ways we define leadership. We owe it to the next generation of leaders to level the playing field, once and for all.